Prisoners Mistreated in Turkish LEGO Fort

Authorities are investigating allegations of prisoner abuse after startling photos leaked. A happy holiday turned sad yesterday as pictures of a detainee surfaced revealing what really happens at the Udy house. The photo shows a baby being subject to immobility in an undersized LEGO jail. When reached for comment, an Airman in the U.S. Air Force, (not speaking on behalf of the USAF) confirmed the photos were of a detainee but declined to comment on whether she had been indicted on any charges. Neighbors did say they had long suspected maltreatment after viewing a video of suspicious repute that has apparently since been destroyed. The child's mother was shocked saying-"I don't know what all the hootenanny is about, she was in the 'Axis of Could Be Evil'.

  International do-gooder's are planning demonstrations outside LEGO headquarters in Enfield, Connecticut. Actor Sean Penn has chartered buses for ne'er do wells without other means of transportation to attend. "Just 'cause you don't have a car doesn't mean you should be denied your right to protest images of children huddling together in LEGO jails across the world" said Penn. 

Meeting of minds

Me and Payton having a beverage and answering the age old question- how was your day?

(Sorry about the shiny-it's my 'don't shoot me or run me over, good guy I'm on your team  reflecty belt'!) I had just come home from work, I swear I don't always just wear camouflage pants like I'm from Michigan.

A new Udy,  Maşallah! Dan and Laurie had a girl on the 18th. 

 This video is a fine example of Athan or Adhan. Five times a day. I like it. Bear in mind however, the Imam at the mosque by our house does not sing this well.  On a sad note, the park behind our house had two kid swings that PJ loved. They are gone. We are going on a month now and she is starting to crack without her swing time. She has been pooping her pants in protest. In turn we had no choice but to mail a sack of these diapers to the person ultimately in charge of the park-1600 Pennsylvania Ave! I doubt it will get noticed since they probably have been getting two or three similar packages a week. We might be able to solve this at a lower level rather than wait for a reply from the states.

Holiday Party Because there is no Muslim Santa

Most people have met a Jesus somewhere along the line. Heck, there's one in my squadron here! However at this time of year those other Jesus' take a back seat for baby Jesus' birthday extravaganza brought to you by Citigroup. 

That is America-here in Turkey a holiday party is just that- A holiday party.

 So on Saturday we gathered as a squadron to celebrate a non-denominational good time. I was asked to M.C. the evenings proceedings and thought to myself, what is funny in Turkey? You see, about half of the people in my area of direct contact are Muslim. Gathering a group of Muslims and Christians to celebrate a Jewish guys birthday, sounds like comedy gold. I just kept thinking I had better make it good because it could be the international incident that ends my career. So I did what I always do, which is, I think about the last thing you would say in a given situation, sanitize it (to keep my job) and let the slob box flow. A lot of people that were there have come to tell me they had a good time and even our commander came in to where I work yesterday and said it was enjoyable. I used both of my good jokes though, so I hope they aren't thinking they can ask for my services again.
All said I am glad that Jehovahs Witness' can't join the military- you want to talk about a tough crowd?
And finally, the theme from Dr. Who is my favorite Christmas song!

Whats in a name?

Here are the rules:#1. Rules of the game must be posted at the beginning.#2. Each player lists 6 facts/habits about themselves.#3. At the end of the post, the player then tags other people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves them a comment letting them know that they have been tagged and asking them to read your blog.

6. I have a strong unwieldy desire to wear women's clothes. Before you start making a bed at your house for Becky and PJ - it's because I would wear a dress to Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka to exercise my right to assemble and express myself freely. I want those sad shits to know what an intrusion and distraction it is when on the receiving end of free speech. I also want to stab them all in the face with a trident but.....thats another issue all together.
5. I am pretty sure shopping is a decent alternative to laundry. Socks smelly? No problem-the store has a fresh package waiting. ( I like my socks like I like my comedy-BLACK)
4. I wish I knew why my guts twist when I see something about September 11th like I could have done something. I can't explain it. Chalk it up to some vicarious survivor guilt.
3. When I am talking to you, chances are, what you said reminded me of a song or movie and I am trying to listen to you while listening to the snippet playing in my head. Sorry.
2. I have some voyeuristic obsession with post secret. www.postsecret.blogspot.com
1. I am paralyzed by my self conscientiousness about my teeth.

I am a part coach for 7-8 yr old football. Before our first game we had to decide what we'd be called. Between arguing for Patriots and Cowboys one kids suggested 'the time machines!' For hell's sake, that was more like it. A little of the ol' 'here come the time machines, and we're taking names'. He and I both had to settle for Patriots. Nothing against our namesake but what happened to kids having cool football team names? I guess it could be worse- Maple Leafs? And Stanford has a big tree to represent them. Even South Dakota had the HARD ROCKERS! Right now you should be thinking of Dio belting the lyrics to the Black Sabbath tune WE ROCK! Google it-you'll thank me later.

Stuffed by (a) Turkey

Today, to initiate the four weeks a year we pretend everyone isn't bothering us, we decided to open our homes to a family that had a tough year. The dad got into some mess at work that got his boss in trouble because it got some guys killed. We felt like a good meal and nice company might cheer him up. Turns out, the Rumsfeld family had other plans! I promised the guy who kept hanging up on me that we'd send Rummy back as Hindu cow as we'd received him. NO DEAL! Despite our tribulations and rebuffed advances we had a pleasant day. We have a photo to prove it!
Cast your gaze upon this! (note: she wore that monkey like a simian accessory most of the evening.)



It looks like if she could talk she'd ask if I could run to get her some Doritos, then we would have a chat about "takin a break for a while, to just chill and travel'. It would digress (Not much unlike, well..you get the picture) doe-ree-toes, der-ee-toss, man doritos sounds so awesome! Seriously, Kerouac was going on, you know?

Neither you or Mick get satisfaction

For all you haters heres a deep cut from last week.

So excited I blogged myself!

For the past several weeks, my wife and I have spent the evenings trying to comunicate with the family using a Ouija Board. They apparently only work if your family is back in the dirt. On the bright side, we reconnected with some REALLY nice etheral beings and apparitions- some of whom we were related to! So, it is with great excitement we announce the abandonement (with wreckless abandon!) of reliance on paranormal phenomena and introduce- our BLOG!

All joking aside, (or as an aside) as I'm writing this there are eleven failed medical experiments (I think you'd call them kids) here in a nearby area called, with affection, 'the alley'. Six of them seem happy enough to play a game which involves kicking a soccer ball against an iron gate with the force of a meteorite. This causes an earth shattering CLANG! which rings throughout Turkey. This game is now in its third week and as I am unsure how the scoring sytem works, I have no idea if it will end any time soon. The remaining five walking abortions are happily rummaging through several bags of rubbish and items of furniture that someone has so thoughtfully dumped beside the various dumsters. One of them has found a saw and is setting asunder a discarded chair like a beaver on speed. I fear that it's only a matter of time before they turn their limited attention to the bottle of fuel between the two bins. If they could be relied on to only blow their own arms and legs off then I would happily leave them to it. I would even go so far as to lend them the matches. Unfortunately they are far more likely to blow up half the street with them and we've just finished decorating the kitchen.
Why am I writing this? We, being soft of heart (and brain?) have decided to pluck one of the less luckless and lamentable heaps from his plight! We have decided the one with acne and a mustach on his forehead looks enough like a Udy he could pass as ours. I can't wait for you to meet our new son Ibrahim! He's an active, fun 9 year old. We intend to spend the next two years ridding him of years of bad habits such as the coffee drinking and his being Muslim without due care and attention. (he'll eventually make us millions writing songs about oppressive governments and abusive parent, so it's a penny stock thing)